Shrimp Ceviche / Fest Eye For the Tourist Guy

There is a lot of wonderful sights and sounds to enjoy at festivals but there are also the things that boggle my mind. Let’s talk about the wardrobe choices. 

I witnessed a woman in shorts that looked like she had forgotten to put her pants on that morning. FYI ladies just because you are as skinny as a 16-year-old does not mean you can rock the outfits of a 16-year-old. I am not against short skirts or even short shorts but if it looks like your outfit was purchased at the pre-teen clothing store in the mall, you may want to rethink your friend choices. I know that if I tried to pull off the same outfit as my 12-year-old, my friends who truly love me would shut that down in a hot minute. That time is done for us. We have many choices for outfits that show how trim you are which are more suited for your age. A cute sundress maybe? What really got me was the combo of tiny shorts with hoochie mama heels. Girl, if you want to rock those lace up high heeled booties at the club, I say do it. There is no age restriction on shoes. Fierce shoes should always be rocked by anyone and everyone. The questions are, what part of you thought that noon on a Saturday during a crowded outdoor festival was the time to rock your “Catch-A-Man” shoes. Mainly, I felt bad for your poor feet. What did they ever do to you that you would punish them so?

So many poor outfit choices. Girls the shade of Casper wearing tiny outfits and no hats. In 2 minutes you can tell that they thought the sun at Festival was somehow different than the sun at the beach. Why not wear sunblock or cover yourself to prevent what looks like the beginning of a sunburn that makes you wish the Angel of Death would just go ahead and get it over with? 

The poor ladies who do full hair and make-up and by the end of the day look like extras in horror movie. One came around a corner the same time as me and I swear her melty face scared me so bad I almost peed a little.

I used to make mad fun of the festers outfits. The loose button-down shirts with the baggy shorts and a baseball cap or the flowy sundresses with the wide-brimmed straw hats. I am sorry, you are right! You have perfected the best outfit for being at a festival all day in the South. I may never be able to completely commit to your look but I now admire you for knowing what to wear. I will no longer look at you with pity because behind you are some poor tomato colored lady who’s hobbling along in her too tight shorts while her face falls in large drops to the ground. Don’t be this lady, be kind to yourself, wear the comfortable shoes and rock that umbrella hat, it's important.