Sweet Chili Garlic Sauce / Goodbye Baby Man

There he was, just sitting in the corner, brooding. I am not sure what made him more upset - the fact that I dared not focus all my attention on him or that he was robbed (oh wait he wasn’t, I was). He left that restaurant with everything he came in with, including a pretty hot 22-year-old girlfriend. If only he knew how soon that last part would no longer be an option. I had to tolerate a lot as a bartender also being the eternal MaMa of any friend group I have but the one place I will not tolerate bullshit behavior is traveling. There is plenty of bullshit to keep me busy at home I don’t need it on vacation.

The first couple of days I tried to ignore it. We were staying with his brother and his wife so I really didn’t want to make it more awkward than it already was. To be fair they were wonderful and his brother even introduced me to Swedish cheese with Louisiana hot sauce on it - a pairing I still enjoy to this day. At first, I assumed his behavior was the bother of having my purse stolen, but it still didn’t make sense since because it was my purse and not his but whatever I have gotten annoyed at smaller things. As the days went on it became apparent that the purse was not the issue. Maybe it was the fact that a loud Louisiana lady stands out in a Swedish bar. Y’all, they are so reserved and well behaved it was like drinking in a library during finals week. Even when I tried to be quiet I was at an 11 compared to them. 

The last baby fit at the Viking boat finally ripped the top off what his problem was. Me, to be exact. Not me annoying him, me not paying enough attention to him. Seems I am too talkative and suck at lavishing all my attention on one person. Had he not met me before? Was he living in a hole the whole time we dated? I am the worst choice for a girlfriend if you require attention and romance. I am not wired that way. You want to hop in a car and see where the road takes you? I am your girl. You want to sit in a dark booth and whisper sweet nothings to each other? I hope you have a mouse in your pocket because that is not a we situation I belong in. It was so ridiculous that his own brother apologized to me about how he was acting. I am not sure what I did while walking the streets of Stockholm and pointing out a Viking ship but whatever it was, it was enough to trigger the baby fit of all baby fits. As I watched him once again pout and stomp around I know I have had enough. That is it, you will have to find your actual Momma if you want attention for this shit. There he is just sitting on a bench arms crossed, pouty face in full effect. I leaned over and gently in his ear tell him, “That’s enough, go ruin someone else time because I am done with you and your toddler behavior.” I turned to walk away and of course this is when he jumps up and finally acts like a grown up. “You can’t go? What are you going to do?“ Ha’ what am I going to do?! I am going to go have a good time without you. You made the mistake of the thinking I needed you. If I decide I want to have a shit time on this trip I’ll call you”. Full of piss and vinegar I turn on my heels heading for the boat with my middle finger in the air, speaking my last word for me. Goodbye Baby man, Hello Nordic Gods.

To be continued…