A beautiful day coming to an end we all go out for late-night cocktails. Are you really an overthinking female if after too many drinks you don’t think back and question every action your significant other does? Which drink is it that changes you from cool as a cucumber to “Why did he say it like that?” Did I bring it up immediately? Of course not, where is the fun in that? I waited until we were in bed and completely exhausted before the dreaded words “You know what?” came out. To his credit, he tried to listen and calm my crazy. He casually says I don’t feel very well, and I of course assumed he was trying to avoid the conversation. I was very wrong, be warned if you have a weak stomach skip to the recipe.
    Once again, I try to start a horribly timed conversation, and once again, he says “I don’t feel well”. Before my retort of him trying to avoid everything, he lurches out of the bed. The wave of guilt was strong but not as strong as the sounds coming from that room. As I sat in bed listening to what sounded like his whole body exploding I instantly regretted the last hour. Here he lay listening to me while his insides were slowly trying to claw their way out. I won’t get too graphic but when they warn you to avoid drinking the water in a new country, listen. As if this poor man isn’t ashamed enough he runs out of all paper products. The weakest male voice I’ve heard comes through the door “ Babe do we have anything?”. I looked y’all everywhere and there was nothing, not a napkin or paper product to be found. Finally, I go through my bag and there they were pads. They are absorbent and what choice does he have until the stores open? Imagine this poor man already ashamed enough and now this is the only option. I offer to leave them at the door. He insists there he can get up and I must get them to him. As I slowly open the door he yells in misery “Don’t look at me, please you can’t see me like this”. My only plan is to crack the door and chuck them through the crack and hope they reach him. It was in that second I realized exactly how bad it was.
   Morning approached and things were not improving. Determined to save Kelli from this horror scene I stayed up all night waiting for her to wake. As the sliding door opens I jump up blocking her from the bathroom door. We get dressed and head to the store to pick up provisions. Back in the air BnB and Chris is still locked in his tiny cell of illness. We leave the water, crackers, nausea meds, and toilet paper on the nightstand. At breakfast, it becomes very apparent that we can’t stay with him. One bathroom with two women and a very Ill man just won’t work. Add in Chris is begging for us not to see him like this and the decision was made. It’s a new casa for us.
    I know this looks like we abandoned him but it was a mutual decision. We checked on him throughout the day and we were definitely cordially not invited to return. I had to sneak in just to make sure he was still alive and didn’t need medical attention. Kelli and I made the best of it. An unplanned girls’ day/night out was in the works.
   First drinks, of course. It is Kelly’s last night here so we needed to make the best of it. Sayulitas has these great little drinks carts sprinkled throughout downtown. Some are regular bars and some serve particular drinks. We talk to the gentleman about what he offers and he describes one with fresh squeezed lime and Squirt. I’m in. I of course pick the large, not realizing what large is. Next to Kelli’s normal-sized glass he puts a barrel-sized clay pot that apparently is my drink. Y’all it was two hands big. Like you can put a baby in it for candid shots big. As we walk to the beach I notice that Kel is walking just a little bit in front of me. I’m not embarrassingly drunk yet so I have to assume. What’s more obnoxious than a white lady walking around Mexico with her giant pot? I become all the tourists I judged walking around with hand Granada’s in New Orleans. We tried to hang out at the beach but within an hour we were ready to go. Was it the fact we aren’t people who lay out, the 100’s vendors coming up to us, or the embarrassment of watching me drink my drink by holding it between my legs and bending down to meet the straw? Who knows? Either way, it was time to abandon the sand.

After checking on Chris who is now in a deep sleep that only can exist when you have been I’ll for hours in end. We had heard there was a good Indian place and even though you know it’s usually a bad idea to eat food that isn’t from the area we decided to risk it. Worth all the risk. We sat there eating one of the best green curries I have ever had and watched the fire artist perform in the street.
   Dinner over we head back to the hotel and it’s amazing. A beautiful place with all its rooms in nooks with attached open living areas all surrounded by tropical foliage. Kelli decided she wants to go out and I politely decline. Instead, I sit back on my beautiful veranda enjoying a glass of wine and a book. All the parents out there will understand how this was a truly relaxing part of the vacation. I did worry that tomorrow was our last day in Sayulitas and what if Chris wasn’t better? Will I have to Weekend at Bernie’s him? Put him in an adult diaper and hold his head in the cab to the new location in San Marcos?
   For the first time, I was the last one to wake up. I’m not saying I don’t love my people but my mind was loving this alone time and decided to keep me knocked out a little longer in a forced enjoyment. I woke up to Kelli bringing some amazing Mexican pastries similar to meat pies and the best surprise of all. Here comes Chris strolling down the corridor in his Horaches and a big smile on his face. He had survived and was up and walking in just over 24 hours from the great purge.