I have never been a fan of tourist towns. Maybe it is because I am more pretentious than I would like to admit or maybe it is because most of my life I had to travel on such an extreme budget that I could not afford the popular spots. One of the great things about budget travel is you get used to things not going as planned and having to think on your feet. This would come in very handy on this trip, you don’t necessarily want to use all your travel expertise but it does come in handy that you have a lot to draw from when shit/Covid hits the fan.
    We had an uneventful cab ride into Puerto Vallarta, that is until we stopped at the airport. I had warned Chris about all the scams that happen in the larger towns. I thought I had seen most of them but this one was new to me. A taxi driver accuses you of hitting their door with your door. Of course, the police came and stood ominously in the corner and I stood back trying to let the men figure out what to do. I figured pretty quickly that if we stood our ground and showed little fear they would take whatever cash we had on hand. So that’s what we did.. Just know any of these “damage “ scams you can just keep saying “ This is all I have, take it or leave it” and they will end up accepting you have no more money and will settle. Now, I would have just walked away and said “ Fuck you, arrest me then” but I was traveling with a more level-headed person who made the decision that the $40 was not worth the risk of a Mexican jail.
    Done with scammers we were safe in the airport. Lies, the airport was packed to the gills. It was butt-to-butt packed. So glad they made us wear masks, and insert an eye roll. We pull out our tests Chris had a lab one and I had an at-home one. According to their website, it was allowed and the fact that Kelli flew back with the exact test as I had I didn’t predict a problem. A problem it turned out to be. I was rejected faster
     In a gentle voice, I was reassured I could head outside to the lab and told “it only takes 30 minutes. What they didn’t tell me was the line that wrapped around the tent. I’m sure I’m not ruining the suspense by telling you we were still in line while our plane took off. Having spent the last of our cash on scammers we headed out walking down the side of the interstate dragging our luggage behind us. I found a cheap room on Priceline and we were to make a plan. The mom's guilt and worry were weighing on me but there wasn’t much I could do trapped in a foreign country.
   We tried to distract ourselves with a very disappointing dinner in a planned tourist community. You know the kind. We know you want to come to a foreign country but do not actually feel like you are in a foreign country design. Here you go we have built you a quaint and rustic town. Nothing says a true Mexico experience like a Gucci store across from the very authentic Senor Frogs.
    Next morning means the next line. Is a vacation with me if you aren’t sitting on the sidewalk outside a pharmacy waiting for a COVID test while a group of Karens berates a worker for not having a VIP station? Would it be nice If Karen’s actually said the truth? Instead of “This is ridiculous I need a manager” they said “ Do you not see my Titliest half hat and this insanely even tan? This means I have money and you must treat me special.” COVID is the great equalizer of modern times. I’m sure you have surmised I was rewarded with a positive result.
    We discussed staying in Puerto Vallarta for the required 5-day quarantine. I’m not sure how Chris figured out why this was a bad idea. It could have been me repeating the phrase “ It will be fine, I’m sure it will be fine” over and over again or was it my endless rant about everything I hated in our surroundings? Either way, he got the hint like a brick to the head. Off he went to rent a car because apparently dealing with me in this mood was scarier than any stories of driving through Mexico on your own. Something I need to remind myself the next time insists I am not hard to deal with everyone else is just so sensitive.